Thursday, February 6, 2014

Dearest Family,
Oh how dearly I love you all! thank you so much for the support and the letters! I love recieving them!! although the mail system seems to be so slow! lol i still truely enjoy it!! Dear elder is the real same day delivery mail for letters and if its sent by noon that night i will get it at dinner time that same day!!!
I feel as tho my theme for my stay here at them MTC and maybe even longer is La Expiación... the atonement! That through anything... my sins, sorrows, heartaches and even joys my Savior is my all and He knows it. Jesus Christ came to this earth to not only set the perfect example but to BECOME my sins and was ressurected so that i would have some one to turn too and rely on when things are heard or sad or i just am totally lost. I think that I have experienced all those since ive been out but every time my Savior has pulled me back up!
For example Monday our teachers miscomminitcated and we didnt know but we had TRC training which is teaching a lesson in spanish to a real inves. and we had to have 2 twenty minute lessons ready in 30 minutes completely done in spanish! i was instantly feeling inadaquate, i had a hard time feeling that i was not living up to the missionary the Lord needs me to be and that i wasnt learning as i should. I went into the first lesson after prayer feeling ok. We taught of the Savior and the Atonement and instantly he got it he understood that without Christ we are nothing! Then we came out feeling a little better. Before my second lesson I prayed my heart out saying: "Lord I am trying my hardest. I am falling short... Lord please help me to be able to speak and convey the message you need sister applegate to hear tonight and let the spirit testify of truths to her." I went in there and i said a couple words. Hermana mitchell asked her why she was here and she said "because the light and Love of the Lord in your eyes." I instantly felt my Saviors love and my prayers were answered! I hve never felt so close to my Savior in my life. I was able to speak IN SPANISH the whole time conveying the lesson of the first vision. the spirit was amazingly strong and she felt it! As i bore my testimony at the end i knew my Heavenly Father and Savior KNOW and LOVE me. I know that heavently father does not want to abandon us even if we are feeling that He is .... he is giving us experiences to test our faith in the Lord. The atonement is NOT about being perfect its about Not giving up!!!
Oh how i LOVE my savior and the lessons he has taught me since i have been here!!! Mom since ive been here the scripture that says "where much is given much is required" it has been on my mind especially after our lessons we have with my teacher Hermano Frey. HE IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! the spirit is so strong last night out lesson on the plan of salvation was ABSOLUTELY amazing!!!  Its hard to know where to start but i need to pray and ask my Father in Heaven how to make all the lessons ive learned apply and work into my life. I feel ive been given so mcuh out there and i NEED to act. after last nights discussion i am feeling jsut as i have been all this time is that i need to have the best relationship with my Savior and know of how i can BECOME him. Christ is my way back. He knows me personally. Christ knows my exact path to make it through all adversary and back to my Father in Heaven.and if i would only apply all that lesson and stay consistant throughout my life and pray and read my scriptures and obey my church leaders and Gods commands. My Savior will be there on that glorious judgement day with that relationship we built together pleading my case saying... "My God, she relied on me in faith aligning her life with your will and became me! She has done all she could do. Father I AM MAKING UP THE REST."
I can be the goddess Heavenly Father now sees in me. isnt that beautiful??? I am so grateful for the opportunity i have to be here!!! I am grateful for my knowledge of this gospel and i cant wait to share it with those in Oaxaca, Mexico!!! I sincerely love my Savior Jesus Christ. I am doing everything i can to Become Him!
Thank you for all your support and love!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!
Hermana Bigelow!

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